YOU JUST DO IT!

I know that sounds like a NIKE rip off but that is literally the point.  I had an epiphany several times in my life involving me, my friends and family that there really is no magic answer  to getting over a loss.  I wish I had one.  If it makes you feel better sing “I’ve got the magic in me” to the tune of Rivers Cuomo and B.O.B. because you do.

Lets start here.  A friend of mine, actually almost every Single Black Female I know, who can’t find the perfect man asked me why is it so hard to find a man these days.  Looking at the situation from the outside I came to the hypothesis ( I say hypothesis because I acknowledge that I don’t know every Damn thing) that the friend in question has come across many suitable men BUT none of them are her EX and until she gets over her EX no one else has a chance in hell. After careful deliberation my friend agreed.

How/Why do I think this is the main problem when trying to find mate? Well the obvious reason is because I’ve experienced this myself.   I was desperately in love, he was an ass, he broke my heart, I felt like DYING, Literally Dying, suicidal, the pain in my chest was so severe.  I had panic attacks, I didn’t work for weeks,  I drake, I smoked and listened to depressing music.  In the process of healing after the breakup  I told him we can’t be friends.  I think this was very smart and hard to do on my part.  Partially it was because I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me and partially because it was reality.  I can’t move on if I’m in love with you and we’re still friends.  So I cut off communication.  Why was this smart?  Because I needed to move on.  I had to be sure and tell myself that he is NOT in fact the one for me due to his character flaws and that even if he changed his mind we wouldn’t work out.  Then I searched for someone else.

The search was very very difficult.  Because subconsciously you are looking for your EX’s replacement.  You will NEVER EVER EVER find your EX’s replacement.  That person is a unique Asshole.  You can’t find the perfect match. You can’t find someone with some of his/her qualities but enhanced. You can’t make that person it won’t happen.  You have to start from scratch.  You have to look at your new potential mate apart from your EX.  As a totally different fresh light.  Don’t compare them it will only upset you.  You have to give love a chance.  Does this person actually like you, love you, except you for who you are flaws and all without wanting you to change?  Do you have fun when you’re with this person.  Do you feel comfortable sharing your soul with this person? Are they good in bed?  What do they believe in?  Do they work? Are they financially responsible?  How do they treat their family?  But never ever compare them to your EX because that jerk doesn’t matter.

Another IMPORTANT factor in getting over your EX is FORGIVENESS.  You have to forgive this Bastard that took your heart, loved it and stabbed you like you were a Vampire from Hell.  When I say forgive I don’t mean you forgive and get back with them.  Maybe your lucky maybe that’s in the cards.  Maybe unlike most of us waiting for this to happen your EX is truly sorry and has TRULY changed and wants to be with you.  Most likely not, most likely you want them to be truly sorry and truly change but they won’t and can’t because most likely they are flawed and not ready/willing to change.  There is someone else out there for them and someone out there for you but you have to acknowledge that you are not right for each other and even though it may hurt it’s okay and it’s life.  You have to come to a point where you forgive whatever you feel they did wrong by you and allow them to live there life away from you and you to move on.  Easier said than done.  How do you do it?  YOU JUST DO IT!!!!!.  You just leave them alone and when you start to do otherwise you do something else like go out with your friends, read a book, work on your career, you figure it out.

Who am I talking to?  Who am I talking about?  Me, You, Rihanna, Jennifer Aniston, Serena Williams, Kanye West, everybody.  Just live your life.  Yeah occasionally you will still think about that person.  What if?  What’s wrong with me?  Why don’t you love me?   You should acknowledge that you are human and entitled to those thoughts, but does it make sense to be obsessed with a Disney fairytale?  Its not your TRUTH, live in your NOW, not your PAST and not your EX.  Live in your TODAY.  Look forward to a different future.  Snap out of it. Get out of your head.  Stop listening to sad songs like Adele, don’t even give into “Best thing I never had” by Beyonce because even in that song you put yourself in a negative mind state.  Put your energy into your family and friends.  They are here and they love you and want your mental space.  Good luck and Good love!